WARNING: Some of violence and crude language
“Do you love me?”
You froze at the question asked in such a soft, lilting tone. It was a subject the two of you had yet to breach. You knew you cared for Loki, but it had been mere days since you had found one another and realized your connection.
You considered your words carefully before answering him. “I enjoy your company. I admire how clever you are and how you just have to know how every human object works even if that curiosity ended up destroying our refrigerator.”
“I maintain that the mechanical beast attacked me.” Loki said, narrowing his eyes in remembrance of what had been a traumatizing ordeal.
You gave a short bark of laughter. “What did you think was going to happen when you pushed on the ice dispenser?”
Loki huffed and looked down at where you lay across his lap. “Just continue listing my fantastic qualities.” He said haughtily.
“Hmm, as you wish. I like your passion and your protectiveness and our connection.”
He leaned down and lightly touched his forehead to yours, making you giggle.
“What else?” He asked.
“Well, I like- I like…” You searched blindly for Loki’s fingers. He watched you curiously as you lined your palm up with his, comparing your hand sizes. “I like your hands.” You finished a bit lamely, but no less truthfully.
Loki looked down at you fondly and closed his fingers around yours. You felt his larger hand wrap gently around your own, and your heart must’ve skipped a beat. You reached up to feel for Loki’s face. You wanted some physical clue to his emotions other than the constant warmth flowing through your psychic link.
The prince inclined his head, allowing you to stroke his cheek and trace your fingers across his lips. After a long moment of silence, he grasped your hand, halting it, and pressed a kiss to your palm.
“But do you love me?” He asked, so quietly, so intensely, among the silence of the room.
You closed your eyes and lifted your hands to rest on either side of his head. Once you opened a psychic channel, allowing him to feel your emotions, you responded.
There was something vulnerable about letting someone else into your mind, and you had given very few people the privilege, usually limiting others to simple telepathic communication. But as you felt Loki’s consciousness reach out for your own, you knew you had made the right decision. You tried to push every feeling you had for him into your connection, and he responded in kind, as always, with passion and tenderness and warmth.
With Loki, the act wasn’t frightening or exposing. Showing your mind to him was something good and safe.
The god pulled you closer. Neither of you spoke for a long moment, wanting the experience to last as long as possible.
Finally, you moved in his arms, turning to face your soulmate.
“I do love you.” You said with conviction, letting him feel the truth of it through your connection.
Loki took your face in his slender hands and kissed you fiercely. “And I promise to return the love you have for me tenfold.”
- - - - - - - - - - - -
“Remember what I told you?”
It was moments before a car would arrive to take you to Agent Hyde and his team. The operation had been cleared by Fury, and you had Clint, Natasha, and Steve on high alert to be ready to receive any distress signals you might sent out.
Clint nodded and patted your shoulder. “Cap’s aware. What’d you tell your boyfriend?”
After giving the archer a knowing look, you answered his question. “Only that I’ll be out today and not to worry.”
“You know, the first time I left Laura to go on a mission, it had been a week after we’d made our connection. She told me later that she’d had a meltdown right after I left.”
“Well, then it’s a good thing I didn’t tell him where I’m going. Don’t even entertain the idea of telling him.” You said, voice low with warning.
You heard the archer next to you laugh lightly. “Sometimes I forget what you were. I mean, before Cairo.”
Shrugging, you turned your blank stare to Clint. “We all try to kick up the dirt, cover our footsteps. We don’t want anyone to know where we’ve been.”
Clint turned on the couch, making the leather creak. “And what about this mission? Why does Hyde need you so badly?”
“Nothing like that. I’m just there to incapacitate the target.”
Footsteps echoed down one of Stark Tower’s many halls, and a new presence entered the room.
“Looks like your ride’s here.” Clint murmured.
You nodded and rose from the couch, but you felt a gentle hand on your wrist
“Just be careful. Nothing is safe with Shield broken up the way it is.” The archer said softly. “And I really don’t want to deal with Loki if something happened to you.” He added in a lighter tone.
“Will do, Agent. Will do.”
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Hyde had most everything taken care of by the time you arrived. Other than you, Hyde, and Verrat, there were two other Agents as part of the team.
As Hyde had promised, you were able to read Verrat, the Agent who would go in with you to play the part of your assistant and take down Doctor Falsch when the time came. Hyde would lead the team from a van on the outside, and the remaining agents would be on standby as backup. It seemed like everything would go smoothly.
Verrat seemed wired. You were picking up strong feelings of anxiety, and whenever you even so much as turned your head in his direction, the feelings would intensify. He was uneasy about something.
Verrat escorted you to what must’ve been an expensive car from the feel of the interior. You were going to enter her business as prospective investors. This meant nice clothes and a nice car. Verrat opened the door for you and took you by the arm, leading you a fair distance up a walkway to a door. You couldn’t see the building, but you assumed that a Doctor in such high demand would likely have a large, modern space to conduct her consultations.
As you entered the building, Verrat’s feelings of nervousness had increased almost to the point of nausea. It was thinly veiled, like he was attempting to conceal his emotions from you.
Oh, __________, what kind of shit had you stepped in this time?
You wondered if you should make your suspicions known or keep them to yourself for the time being and wait for the right moment. You didn’t actually know if Verrat was planning something or if Hyde and the other agents were in on it. The situation was looking grim. In the building, you couldn’t hear any voices or footsteps. If it weren’t for the crazy amount of stress Verrat was currently exuding, you wouldn’t have thought anything of it.
You heard light footsteps approach you. A woman?
“Right this way, mam.” She said gently and led you into a small, cool room. “Doctor Falsh will be with you in a moment.”
You were picking up the same kind of discreet, low-key vibes from this woman as you did from Hyde. Waiting patiently next to Verrat, you awaited the doctor so that you could get this business over with as soon as possible.
Instead of the slight steps you were expecting the female doctor to have, you heard heavy boot steps a distance away, but growing closer. Each step made Verrat internally flinch.
Finally, you turned to the agent and said what had been on your mind for a while. “You seem nervous, agent.”
Verrat stilled beside you as did the woman who had led you into the room, a mix of alarm and panic passing between the two of them.
Finally, the steps entered the room and stopped.
“So you knew?”
You recognized the voice. “Agent Hyde. I believe you told me you’d be waiting in the van.
“And miss all the fun?” He asked with a chuckle.
You prepared yourself to fight back. You hated using your powers to harm others, but you would to protect yourself. Before confronting Hyde, you sent out a distress signal to the Avengers, hoping to God that one of them would hear you.
“There is no Hydra scientist.” You stated. “Doctor Falsch isn’t real.”
“You’re half right.” Hyde said with a quiet smile. “There is no Doctor Falsch, but if you’re looking for a Hydra scientist, you’ve come to the right place.”
He reached behind him and pulled shut the heavy door, plunging the very universe into silence.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
You were blind. Really, truly blind.
You had been born with an inability to see, but you’d always had other abilities. You could predict intentions, read emotions, make people do what you wanted them to.
You hadn’t been able to see, but you’d never been blind.
However, as Hyde shut that door, everything fell away. You were lost, alone, defenseless.
“My apologies.” said Hyde. “But I couldn’t have you ruining all of our hard work.
“What did you do?” You hissed, turning your head, trying to get a read on any one of them.
The female who you assumed was an agent spoke from your left. “The walls are insulated with metamaterials. It drains your powers. Once you’re weak enough that you won’t be a threat on the outside, we’ll have you moved to a more permanent location. Sit.”
You complied, blindly searching for a seat in the room. “Why go to all this trouble for me?”
Hyde moved close enough to you that you could feel his breath on your face. “You’re joking. Why you? You’re the most interesting thing to come out of Shield since vibranium. Your powers are extraordinary, even if you’ve been neglecting them for so long.”
“Neglecting? What exactly is it that you plan on using me for?”
“Oh, I saw your work at Cairo. I’m a big fan.” He said, sitting down in a chair next to you.
“I don’t do that anymore. I won’t help you.” You said, feeling panicked. You never wanted to go back to that.
The woman laughed lightly. “But you will, whether you want to or not. Don’t fight it.”
You sat in horror. This couldn’t be happening. Fury said that you would never have to do anything like that again. He said he would protect you from your past.
In the silence, you realized that Verrat seemed as nervous as ever. That was when you realized you could still sense their emotions, but the room had significantly diminished your powers, and they were growing weaker by the minute.
At least you still had a chance of escape.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Loki was sitting in his room, practicing the few spells he was still allowed to use, when he felt something. At first, he couldn’t really put his finger on it. It wasn’t tangible; it was like something was missing. He felt empty, alone.
Ceasing his spell, Loki concentrated on the absence. What was missing? What did he not have anymore?
He ran from his quarters to find the other Avengers. _________ was in danger.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
While you gathered what little strength you had, Hyde took it upon himself to talk at great length about just what the future held for you.
“You could bring entire cities to their knees, terrify a world into submission.” You heard Hyde say, his voice changing pitch as he paced around you.
“Sorry, not really my style.”
He laughed. “I beg to differ. I’ve seen your work. It’s captivating. You’re an amazing creature.”
Okay, this was beyond uncomfortable. “I don’t do that anymore. I won’t. Not for Shield, and not for Hydra.”
Hyde took a seat next to you. “Don’t misunderstand us, ___________. We are not evil. We want to protect mankind from itself.”
Choking on a harsh laugh, you turned your blank eyes in his direction. “Do you know what the funniest part is? You really believe that.”
“You’re angry now, but don’t worry. You’ll see things our way.”
Hyde seemed finished with his propagandistic speeches for the time being. You needed to put your plan into action. Any longer in this room, and you would pass out from the strain it was putting on your body, leaving you open for Hydra to transport you to a secure location.
You only had enough energy to nudge their minds, barely influence them.
Verrat was scared, the female agent was aggressive, and Hyde, well, he just needed to be in complete control, a typical alpha male personality type.
First you focused on the easiest target, Verrat. You closed your eyes and sought out the tiny glimmer of his psyche that was left of what you could detect with your power steadily draining. You latched onto his nervous energy.
We’re all going to die. She’s too powerful. She’ll kill us.
Verrat stiffened at the notion you worked to plant in his mind.
“This won’t end well.” He said under his breath, barely loud enough for the room to hear.
Right after you gave Verrat fear, you turned to the woman, trying to detect her mind with your weakened abilities. There.
He’s weak. I hate weaklings. Hydra should have put him down a long time ago.
The thought took root, and she whirled on Verrat with a sneer. “What did you say? Are you afraid that the psychic bitch is gonna hurt you? You’re a pathetic coward. I should have killed you a long time ago.”
“Quiet down, both of you.” Hyde said evenly. However, even his calm tone couldn’t stop the hysterics that were about to break out.
Verrat’s voice rose nervously. “Look at her, she’s obviously planning something. I mean, we should just knock her out, right?”
“Would you pretend you got a pair and shut up? The female agent snapped back angrily. “Why are you even here if you can’t do the job right?”
“We need to do something! We need to knock her out. If you won’t, I will.” Verrat said hysterically.
You then tuned into Hyde’s energy, quickly picking out his dominant psychic frequency.
How dare he question my authority? I’m the strongest, smartest. I’m the leader for a reason. I demand respect.
Hyde stood from his seat abruptly. “Both of you stop talking. This is the mission, and we are sticking with it. This is an order. You don’t want to question my orders, do you?”
The female agent turned to Hyde with a scowl. “You can’t even keep your pitiful excuse for a second-in-command in line. Why are you the leader?”
“Don’t question me, agent!” Hyde growled, resting a hand on his firearm.
“Oh, you have a gun? I’m so scared! Wait, I have one too, you idiot.” She said, drawing her weapon and pointing it at Hyde.
Verrat backed into the corner and shakily drew his own gun.
“Well?” She asked. “I’ve got all day, Hyde. You gonna shoot me, or what?”
Hyde prepared to remove his gun from its holster, but he froze. Turning to where you sat calmly on the sofa, he began to slowly shake his head in amazement, flashing his teeth with a wide smile.
“She’s doing this.” He said, gesturing in your direction. “She wants us to kill each other so that she can escape.”
The other two agents hesitantly lowered their guns.
“It almost worked, too.” Hyde continued. “Excellent work. You almost destroyed us when you have barely any power left. If we weren’t trained to deal with your gifts, we might be dead. Exellent work.”
You lifted your head slightly to glare at the Hydra agent in frustration.
“Everyone stay calm. It won’t be long now.” With that, Hyde once more took a seat.
- - - - - - - - - -- --
When Loki had found Hawkeye first, and told him what had happened. Barton led the god to a room where the rest of the Avengers were already gathered.
“What’s happened to ________? Where is she?” Loki snapped demandingly, his fear showing itself as frustration and anger.
Steve looked at the god almost apologetically. “She went on a mission for Shield this morning. We picked up her distress signal, but it cut off before we could search for her.”
“She’s not transmitting anymore.” Natasha clarified. “That’s why we need you.”
“How can I help?” Loki asked, wanting to find you as quickly as possible.
This time, Bruce spoke up quietly. “We might not be picking up her frequency anymore, but you still have a soulmate connection to her. If it’s strong enough, we might be able to get to her.”
“Can you still see the colors, brother?” Thor asked.
“I can.” He answered, trying desperately to remain calm enough to try and locate you.
Tony sighed in relief. “Then our favorite psychic is still alive. C’mon team, it’s go time.”
- - - - - - - - - - - --
You were fading quickly. Your mind grew weaker until you were completely unaware of what was happening around you. The agents’ voices passed in and out of comprehension. Hopefully they got that distress signal.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
“This is the place.” Loki said. “I can feel it. She’s here somewhere.”
Tony nodded and fired a pulse into the entrance, blasting a hole in the heavily fortified door. In side was a mess of corridors, halls, and doors.
“Alright, Loki, you’re with me. Natasha, Banner, you take the left hall. Stark and Thor, right. Clint, scope possible exits in case this gets messy. Everyone remember to stay in contact.”
Everyone went their separate ways. As Loki and Steve traveled down the sterile, white corridor, Loki felt your presence getting stronger. It was different without the psychic link. More uncertain, more human.
“Here. She’s right behind this door.” Loki said, pressing his hand to the entry, trying to sense whether or not you were alright. He was desperate to have the strong connection back. He wanted to sense your feelings, bask in your comforting presence.
“You’re sure?” Steve asked
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Then stand back.” The Captain took a device off of his belt and sealed it to the door. It emitted a low, rhythmic hum for several seconds, and then-
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Just as you felt your consciousness slip, a blast shook the room. You sat hunched in your chair, breathing shallowly, unable to respond or protect yourself from the new threat. One good thing did come of whatever had happened. Your psychic energy began to trickle back to you at what seemed to be the slowest pace possible.
You lifted your head, trying to sense the newcomers.
The Hydra agents had their weapons up, and Hyde was shouting coded orders at his subordinates.
“Drop your weapons.” Came a strong voice.
Cap? You thought.
“___________, you’re safe!” Came another voice.
Loki! The Avengers had come to help you. But from the sound of it, there was only Steve and Loki. You didn’t know what kind of weapons the Hydra agents had, but your friends might be in danger.
Loki rushed into the room, eager to get you somewhere safe.
“Wait!” Steve shouted at the god.
As if on cue, Hyde fired his weapon right at Loki. The god made a short, surprised noise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
You heard Loki yelp in pain, and that’s what set you off. In your paranormal state of deprivation, it would normally take you days to return to your former state of power. However, thinking that Loki might be in danger, your instincts took over. You drew energy flowing through the hole that had been blown in the room’s entrance. Like an immense breath of air filling your lungs, your mind was overflowing with power. You could practically see the room on an extrasensory level, mapping out its occupants intentions, emotions, auras, thoughts.
Something primal unraveled inside of you. You were losing control and you knew it.
Not again not again not again
You felt distant and lightheaded, like a diver that came up for air too quickly.
Another shot was fired off. You finally lost control.
“That’s my soulmate.” You snarled.
In an instant, Hyde, Verrat, and the female agent all had their guns jammed inside their mouths. You were influencing them with your power, sending signals from their brains to their muscles. You could make them do absolutely anything you wanted.
You knew that you shouldn’t. This was bad. This was wrong.
But you were heady with adrenaline and the sudden rush of psychic energy that was flooding through the doorway. After being deprived of any extrasensory activity for so long, you could barely think at all. Everything was instinct, emotion, survival. Your power used you as much as you used it. Like a defense protocol, it took control of every synapse in your brain.
You really shouldn’t.
One shot rang out. Hyde lay on the floor. Dead.
That felt good. That felt powerful. You hadn’t felt that in a long time.
Another shot rang out. The female agent’s head jerked back. You could hear her teeth break from the recoil.
“__________, you don’t want this.” You heard Loki say. The words came to you garbled and distorted. “Stop this. You are not thinking clearly.”
Your mind was drawn away from his voice by another, far more pitiful noise.
“Oh God, no. God, please. Save me, God.”
Turning to Verrat, you curled your lip in contempt. “You’re begging God to save you? Good luck. Because here? Now? I am God..”
Before you could make him pull the trigger, your mind exploded with emotion. It was warm and comforting. Just then, you were confused. There was such hatred, but now there was… Love?
You released your hold over Verrat, and the gun in his hands clattered to the ground. He fell to his knees, sobbing.
Forgetting about the Hydra agent, you blindly searched for the feeling. Your mind was far from being your own yet. You were still disconnected from the world, and the power raging through your head distorted your perceptions.
But that feeling, that love. It flowed relentlessly, breaking down your maddened state, calming you.
“You’re safe, I’m safe. It’s alright. Come back to me.”
As the effects of your overpowered episode diminished, you felt small and weak. This is what always happened. It was part of the reason you didn’t want anything to do with that state of mind anymore.
The manic episodes strained not only your power, but also your physical and emotional capacities. You were like a child locked in a dark room.
“Who’s there?” You whimpered.
“It’s only me, love.” You heard his voice. It was Loki. You remembered him. He was your soulmate. Wasn’t he?
Footsteps signaled him approaching you. Flinching away, your eyes widened in fear, searching in the dark.
The footsteps stopped. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s me. I’m here for you. I love you. It’s just me.”
You looked up hopefully. “Please help me...” You said in a small voice. “I’m scared.”
That was all it took for Loki to swoop in and bring you into his arms. “It’s okay. I’m going to take you home. Don’t be scared.”
Steve contacted the rest of the team through the comm link. “We found her. She’s uninjured.”
- - - - - - - - - --
By the time the Avengers arrived, you were sleeping soundly in Loki’s arms, your burst of power having taken a heavy toll on you.
Clint and Natasha were the first two to arrive. Clint saw your unconscious form and then looked past Loki and Steve to see the two bodies and Verrat in the room.
“Shit.” He muttered. “She do that?”
Steve nodded. “Unfortunately.”
Natasha contacted the rest on the team with the information before turning back to Clint. “We need to get her back to the tower. She’s gonna have a hell of a time detoxing from all that power.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Consciousness drifted in and out of your grasp. Like coming out of heavy anesthesia, you couldn’t move your arms or legs, couldn’t speak, couldn’t blink.
You felt so scared and defenseless.
Every time you entered this semi-conscious state, a gentle hand would brush your hair back, and a pleasant voice would sooth you back to rest.
Only after truly awakening did you remember what you’d done. The effects of your manic outburst were still taking a heavy toll of your body. It was almost like you were back in the sealed room, cut off from your powers.
Stepping out of the bed, you stood on unsteady legs. You knew that you should probably call someone for help, but you were still too ashamed to face any of them… Especially Loki. The trip to the doorway mostly involved bumping your shins on various pieces of furniture and groping blindly along the wall for a door.
You hated the after effects of your psychic mania. You were so weak. Normally, you could at least move about with some certainty by using a mixture of psychic vibrations through the air and bouncing psychic signals off of other people to create a sort of mental map of your surroundings. However, with how low your power was, you really were going in blind.
Feeling along the wall, you waked a ways down whatever hall you were in. You turned a corner.
Somebody else was also turning that very same corner. That somebody was a very worried Asgardian god by the name of Loki.
The two of you collided ungracefully into one another, and you squawked in surprise. An arm shot out and wrapped around your waist to keep you from falling backwards.
“__________?!” He asked in surprise.
You groaned when you realized who it was. Shrugging shakily, you replied, “Anyone else in the tower that’s blind as a bat?”
Ignoring your sarcasm, Loki tucked one arm under your legs and the other under your back. He lifted you and carried you back the way you had come.
“You don’t have to carry me, I’m blind, not lame.” You muttered ruefully.
Loki glared down at you in frustration. “What in the nine realms do you think you’re doing, mortal?” He asked. “Yesterday you were too weak to lift your head, and now you think you’ll just, what? Go for a nice, long stroll without even notifying any of us that you had awakened?”
You gave a noncommittal shrug.
Gently placing you back on the bed, Loki took a seat on the edge of the mattress. He leaned over and pressed his lips to yours. You sat there, unresponsive to his affection.
Loki drew away from you confused. “Is something wrong?” He asked worriedly and cupped your face in his slender hands. You turned away from him, rolling on your side.
He didn’t know what was wrong. Were you angry with him? Were you still feeling the effects of your rush of power? Reaching out, he let his hand hover over your shoulder hesitantly before gently bringing it down, only for you to shrug him off.
“My love, what-“
“Don’t call me that.” You hissed. “You know what kind of monster I am, now. You don’t have to pretend to love me. No one can love me.”
Abruptly, Loki tuned you over to face him, causing you to squeak in surprise. “I love you.” He said with fierce passion.
Now you were angry. He just didn’t understand.
“Do you want to know why a stated working with the Avengers? I wouldn’t do what Shield wanted me to anymore. My job was to kill people. I was a human bomb to them. They put me in an enemy base and boom, watch me go off.”
You squeezed your eyes shut at the thought of some of your missions. “You’ve probably heard the word Cairo get thrown around a lot. I was ordered to take out a terrorists group that threatened to bomb a mosque in Egypt. The entered the mosque ahead of time, so I was forced to follow them. They fired on me, and I snapped, just like I always do. Every man, woman, and child in that building was dead in less than a minute. They tore each other to pieces.”
Loki sat there, stunned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would you have loved me if you knew? Would you have accepted me as your soulmate if you had known that I was out of control, that I was a murderer?” You asked bitterly. “I came here to learn how to control my powers, but it looks like nothing can help me.”
“You know that’s not completely true.” Loki said softly.
“What are you talking about?”
“When you had those men at gunpoint, if was only because you were trying to protect your friends and yourself. There is no shame in that. Moreover, you weren’t out of control. I called to you, and you came back to me.”
“Did I?” You asked, as the details of your escape were slightly vague.
Loki nodded and lay down next to you, pulling your slightly reluctant form into his arms. “Yes, you did.” He murmured coaxingly.
“How can you trust me? How can you even look at me?”
“You really are lost to other people’s emotions without your powers, aren’t you? Do you remember when I revealed my true heritage to you? I thought you were mad to take me into your arms so lovingly, to kiss me so sweetly. How can you be so critical of yourself and so forgiving of other?” Loki asked.
“I wasn’t going to reject my soulmate because of his past. Thor said that you were changing your ways, anyway.” You said, trying to justify your logic.
“There we are, then.” Loki said and kissed your forehead. “There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me reject you, either.”
“I still think you’re crazy.” You muttered, but snuggled yourself into his chest begrudgingly anyway.
Laughing softly, Loki draped an arm over you and pulled you closer. “Go to sleep, love. Come morning we can speak at length.
You drifted off to Loki’s cool hand tracing your back and his kind words filling your mind.